The time is nigh to buy tickets to tonight's Hyphen PJ Soiree, starting at 8:30pm at FAME (435 Broadway Street, San Francisco). Just to give you a taste of what's in store, your party planners at Hyphen have decided to put a list together of what turns them on. Read the list below to get an idea of the kinds of flair in store for tonight -- from the sensual to the downright indecent. Get ready to take a cold shower after reading.
Names have been kept confidential to protect staffers from embarassment.
"Breakfast in bed, especially if I'm the main dish."
"Three-day old stubble."
"Making sweet, sweet love to my woman while her stuffed animals (Totoro and her Minion plush doll) stare and cheer me on as I marinate her pulsating body with my homemade man sauce."
"A woman who knows how to get down on the dance floor."
"Deep throaty voices."
"Someone who doesn't believe in the term guilty pleasure. Regulated facial hair and nice forearms. A scotch drinker with a Jameson attitude."
"Yoga pants and sports bras."
"I like long hair, soft skin, colored underwear -- any color as long it's not just white or black -- but brightly-colored underwear."
"Sexy is a well-timed sly wink. It's a knowing smile across the room."
"Broad shoulders made for embraces on a chilly night."
"Hot surfers and swimmers taking off their wetsuits after playing in the waves."
"Sexy involves a certain toughness, a willingness to rattle the dishes and bite down hard. It's the foreplay that looks like a wrestling match. Sexy is a slow cross of the legs and a grabbing of bare ankles. It's the methodical untying of shoes and the head tingles of whispered suggestion."
"A foreign accent speaking any of the romantic languages."
"Suspenders, ruffled hair, plastic frame glasses, wingtip shoes and great respect for everyone they meet."
"Men with perky musicles, a shaved head and a sexy accent. Oh wait, did I just describe Fabio?
"Tattoos in usually unexposed areas like the inner thigh or pelvis."
"Sitting in a steam room where both parties can't keep their eyes off each other."
"When my dude makes some noise in bed. I like to know that he is enjoying himself, too."
"A guy who knows how to do gown on my lady parts."
"A firm round bubble butt. Not too firm that there ain't no meat on it, mind you. Just enough so that when you grab or spank it, it bounces back just the tiniest bit. Yep, that shit's sexy."
"Sumptuous long legs wrapped in fishnet stockings."
"When a girl wears her hairstyle in a different way from usual. Like when she wears it down when it's usually up. And vice versa. Pencils and chopsticks are hot, hairbands and bows not so much."
"Playing an instrument well. The better she plays, the sexier. Piano or stringed instruments are a plus. Drums would be drop dead sexy. Extra points if she can improv and jam."
"Men with straight teeth who don't have an aversion to feelings."
"Sexy is the women in suspenders and fedoras. Striped shirts tucked into a pair of high-waisted trousers. It's those boys who read Camus and Philip Roth. Shy boys. Boys who reach for the check. Boys who walk you to your car, to the front door. Boys at shows who stare down at their feet. Boys with dirty Converse shoes. The boys who pull strands of hair out of your face."
"If you're left-handed, a good tipper (regardless of service), and cook eggs well."
"Someone who reads books (e-format acceptable)."
"Someone who is passionate about what they do!"
"Curiosity, intellect, a sense of humor and toned arms. Also, someone who gets riled up and excited over a cause or topic they are passionate about is sexy!"
"Being game to deal with my immigrant parents!"
My boyfriend is a computer technician and watching him repair computers or build Legos and do something geeky and hands on is a huge turn-on. Whenever my computer has an issue and he opens it up to fix it, I just want to tear his clothes off.
"Hairless chests. Wit. Soap and water."
"Self-confidence, joyfulness, an open heart, mindful awareness of self and others, getting the big picture, appreciating the smalle details, being passionate with a purpose, and great strong hands.....mmmmmmm."
"A woman's bookshelf, especially if it's packed with deconstructive, historical (revisionist and revolutionary), ethic studies-related and comic books. Her album collection, too -- the more eclectic, the better. I love women who are brainy and unpredictable."
"Intelligence and insight, passion and initiative, enthusiasm and optimism, and oh, dazzling eyes."
"Sexy is an intelligent debate. An unwillingness to forgo the argument. It's a philosophical stance. The wearing of glasses and the acquisition of dusty tomes."
"Noam Chomsky and Fran Leibowitz."
"People who know what they want and aren't afraid to go for it."
"Nice toned bodies with no tattoos or piercings."
"Sexy is multi-dimensioned. A sexy person knows their way around literature, natural science and mathematical proofs. Who has a rapier-like wit, strong hands and who wields both with integrity, emotional intelligence and kindness. And polishes it all off with having an excellent ass."
"Flirty innuendo that's not creepy."
"Intelligence. All types."
"Broad shoulders, back dimples and a nice smile. Oh, and comfort in one's own skin"
"Caring eyes that look right into you as you are talking and a knockout smile."
"Slightly unkempt guys in plain black tees."
"Someone who is both unafraid to speak their mind but at the same time not be afraid to say 'I'm wrong.' And if they can snowboard really well, then I'm I'm more drawn."
"Sexy is the crawling on top of and the listening to the blood pulsing in the arteries, the intestines, and the saying aloud of "I can hear you alive and and digesting."
And there you have it. It's your turn now. We'd love to hear what you find sexy. Go ahead. Tell us in the comments section. Turn us on. We dare you.
The previous issue of Hyphen is available in its entirety for your perusing pleasure. Almost as good as having it right in your hands!