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One person even asked if I was, while writing the post, reminded of my own parents (an older white man with a much younger Filipina wife) -- as though the circumstances of their relationship somehow undermine my initial claims about the ways in which the Asian Fetish plays out in the media.
To that, in particular, I respond: Certainly, I had that in mind. But my mother's marriage to my father (like other interracial relationships) doesn't undermine my assertion that the Asian Fetish is one perpetuated onto, rather than by, Asian women. In other words, it is characterized by the sexual objectification of Asian women by non-Asian men due to the latter's (mis)perceptions about the former's nature and culture (not the other way around).
February 13, 2009
Debunking the White Man Fetish
Since writing my last entry on the Asian Fetish Myth, I've received some interesting responses. Most of them have implied that, while Asian women are fetishized by white men, Asian women perpetuate the fetish by favoring white men in the dating game (I believe Neela commented on this as well).One person even asked if I was, while writing the post, reminded of my own parents (an older white man with a much younger Filipina wife) -- as though the circumstances of their relationship somehow undermine my initial claims about the ways in which the Asian Fetish plays out in the media.
To that, in particular, I respond: Certainly, I had that in mind. But my mother's marriage to my father (like other interracial relationships) doesn't undermine my assertion that the Asian Fetish is one perpetuated onto, rather than by, Asian women. In other words, it is characterized by the sexual objectification of Asian women by non-Asian men due to the latter's (mis)perceptions about the former's nature and culture (not the other way around).
My father was an excellent example of this as he was, admittedly,
attracted to Asian women because he believed that they are submissive
and gentle (fyi: my mother's a firecracker so... don't think he
really knew what he was getting into there...).
My mother did marry my father willingly and so, I suppose, one might be tempted to make the case that she is living proof that the Asian Fetish is perpetuated by Asian women who like Caucasian men. Thing is, she didn't marry a white American because of of some misguided, dominance-driven infatuation with older white men (unlike my father, whose attraction to Asian women was really a sexual objectification of Asian women; in other words, she's no Misaki Nakajima). Rather, my mother's desire to marry a white American was predicated on the belief that doing so would grant her a level of personal and financial security that otherwise might not have been possible, given the level of inequality and inopportunity prevalant in her home country. Was she simply a gold digger, looking for a sugardaddy? Or is her reverence of Western society the result of centuries of colonialism and foreign occupation which "benevolently assimilated" its citizens into a belief system that debased the local cultures while exalting those of the West?
Obviously it takes two to tango -- but, if you've ever taken ballroom-dancing lessons, you know that the dance depends on a very rigidly-defined power relationship between dancers. The notion of the Asian fetish is similarly built upon a unequal balance of power, in which one party has license to define the other, while simultaneously being regarded as a benevolent benefactor for having done so.
Yes, Asian women participate in the sytem. But Asian women didn't create the system.
[I feel the need, at this point, to make a distinction between Asian women (as in: from Asia), and Asian American women, as my commenters seemed to be confused about the difference. Everything I have thus far described pertains to the former.]
Now, as for why Asian Americans date white guys: I wish I could say that it's simple, that -- duh -- there are a lot of them. Caucasians do outnumber Asian Americans by over 200 million. But it really isn't so simple.... And that really isn't the right question. Instead of asking why so many AsAm women date white men, we should be asking why so few AsAm women date AsAm guys. I know a lot of AsAm women who, admittedly, prefer not to date Asian men because they think that they are "effeminate" or "too short" (never mind that we are, on average, even shorter). And I just want to say that this preference (or lack thereof) is not based on the objective or substantive observations about the masculinity or physique of Asian men, but rather is based on the way in which American (i.e. white) society has stereotyped Asian men since the mid-1800s (read: relegating them to jobs traditionally held by women and then condemning them for holding jobs meant for women, etc.). Taking this into consideration, the apparent AsAm preference for white guys doesn't seem to be grounded in a sexual objectification of white guys, but actually seems to be underpinned by a socially conditioned aversion to Asian men. Funny how we get all bent out of shape about being objectified based on western perceptions of our race but have no problem discriminating against our male counterparts on the same basis.That's right ladies: If you say you don't date Asian guys because they're less than (or date white guys because they are, by comparison, more than)...well, you've just bought into over a century of racism and anti-Asian sentiment, and are perpetuating it in your own life on a daily basis.
Obviously the Asian Fetish exists, and obviously it isn't singularly perpetuated by old white guys. Asian/AsAm women definitely play a part -- but our part doesn't have anything to do with a white man fetish, as some of my commenters have suggested. Rather, our part in perpetuating the Asian Fetish is grounded in our desexualization of Asian/AsAm men, as doing so 1) reinforces white men's position of sexual power, and 2) bolsters the asymmetrical power dynamic between white men and women of color.
My mother did marry my father willingly and so, I suppose, one might be tempted to make the case that she is living proof that the Asian Fetish is perpetuated by Asian women who like Caucasian men. Thing is, she didn't marry a white American because of of some misguided, dominance-driven infatuation with older white men (unlike my father, whose attraction to Asian women was really a sexual objectification of Asian women; in other words, she's no Misaki Nakajima). Rather, my mother's desire to marry a white American was predicated on the belief that doing so would grant her a level of personal and financial security that otherwise might not have been possible, given the level of inequality and inopportunity prevalant in her home country. Was she simply a gold digger, looking for a sugardaddy? Or is her reverence of Western society the result of centuries of colonialism and foreign occupation which "benevolently assimilated" its citizens into a belief system that debased the local cultures while exalting those of the West?
Obviously it takes two to tango -- but, if you've ever taken ballroom-dancing lessons, you know that the dance depends on a very rigidly-defined power relationship between dancers. The notion of the Asian fetish is similarly built upon a unequal balance of power, in which one party has license to define the other, while simultaneously being regarded as a benevolent benefactor for having done so.
Yes, Asian women participate in the sytem. But Asian women didn't create the system.
[I feel the need, at this point, to make a distinction between Asian women (as in: from Asia), and Asian American women, as my commenters seemed to be confused about the difference. Everything I have thus far described pertains to the former.]
Now, as for why Asian Americans date white guys: I wish I could say that it's simple, that -- duh -- there are a lot of them. Caucasians do outnumber Asian Americans by over 200 million. But it really isn't so simple.... And that really isn't the right question. Instead of asking why so many AsAm women date white men, we should be asking why so few AsAm women date AsAm guys. I know a lot of AsAm women who, admittedly, prefer not to date Asian men because they think that they are "effeminate" or "too short" (never mind that we are, on average, even shorter). And I just want to say that this preference (or lack thereof) is not based on the objective or substantive observations about the masculinity or physique of Asian men, but rather is based on the way in which American (i.e. white) society has stereotyped Asian men since the mid-1800s (read: relegating them to jobs traditionally held by women and then condemning them for holding jobs meant for women, etc.). Taking this into consideration, the apparent AsAm preference for white guys doesn't seem to be grounded in a sexual objectification of white guys, but actually seems to be underpinned by a socially conditioned aversion to Asian men. Funny how we get all bent out of shape about being objectified based on western perceptions of our race but have no problem discriminating against our male counterparts on the same basis.That's right ladies: If you say you don't date Asian guys because they're less than (or date white guys because they are, by comparison, more than)...well, you've just bought into over a century of racism and anti-Asian sentiment, and are perpetuating it in your own life on a daily basis.
Obviously the Asian Fetish exists, and obviously it isn't singularly perpetuated by old white guys. Asian/AsAm women definitely play a part -- but our part doesn't have anything to do with a white man fetish, as some of my commenters have suggested. Rather, our part in perpetuating the Asian Fetish is grounded in our desexualization of Asian/AsAm men, as doing so 1) reinforces white men's position of sexual power, and 2) bolsters the asymmetrical power dynamic between white men and women of color.
Posted by Catherine at February 13, 2009 7:27 PM
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13 Comments
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Good article. I am trying to think of a movie where the asian guy gets the girl and I cant think of one except for Dragon: the Bruce Lee Story (a biopic). I think you bring up a good point with the media, I'd like to hear your thoughts on the portrayal of asian men in Romper Stomper (Australian movie) and Gran Torino (American), I've only seen Romper Stomper so I cant speak to both.
well articulated points.
[Rather, our part in perpetuating the Asian Fetish is grounded in our desexualization of Asian/AsAm men, as doing so 1) reinforces white men's position of sexual power, and 2) bolsters the asymetrical power dynamic between white men and women of color.]
Well said, Catherine. I have to say I am honestly pleasantly shocked that you wrote this, because as of say two years ago, I don't think I read a single AA female writer demonstrate awareness of this.
Great Article
Great piece! I especially appreciate the "calling out" of AsAm women and the role we play in upholding and perpetuating racism and power imbalances.
Thank you for posting. Interesting read.
shout outz to tha sista who's up wit it. bringing knowledge to the net that's hip wit it. helping brothas to get with it. now that's what i call a keepr. get it, get it. un hun that's right.
alvin, all of us working in antiracism are aware of this. it's just that the internet isn't always the safest place to air internal dirty laundry. people who call out their own on blogs often find that they're giving ammo to racists who are looking for any excuse to stomp on our work and opinions.
Hooray for Filipino women! You've written a really good article that sums up nicely the doublethink mentality of some AA women that complain about racism and stereotyping whilst engaging in the same thing themselves. The question is why aren't there more strong minded women like yourself that are willing to call other women out on this racism?
For instance could you imagine the outcry from amongst Asian "anti-racists" (men and women alike) if we were to hear a throng of Asian women saying "I'd never date a black man becase they're too dark or too aggressive and loud"? Even worse can you imagine the riots that would ensue if these same women posted their opinions over the internet, and wrote about them in magazines and novels? No-one would stand for it.
I'm all for inter-racial relationships (I'm half white and I'm married to a black woman) but it seems to me that so many Asian women like to re-label their racism as "feminism" and focus their "activism" on their right to date white guys as if that was such a difficult thing to do.
For all the higher education within the Asian community, why can't we think of something more substantial to fight for than who we can date? It seems like a waste.
Thank you, Catherine, for your thoughtfulness on this sensitive topic. (My mom is Filipina, my dad white, so your words touched me.)
We're really talking about two phenomena here. One is the Asian fetish, which combines both sexism and racism, and for which Asian women carry no blame for perpetuating.
But I don't think this fetish is all that pervasive. I doubt that many educated white men of our generation stereotype Asian women as submissive, etc.
Which brings me to the second and, I think, far more pervasive dynamic at work: Many white men prefer Asian women because of the stereotype that they prefer white men. These men perceive that "getting" an attractive Asian woman is just easier than finding a similarly attractive woman of another race. Thus, when it comes to Asian women, white men can still enjoy (often subconsiously) the confidence and empowerment of their white privilege.
I see it all the time, the confidence with which white men approach Asian women. I'm not sure I can blame them. I do blame Asian women, though I try to keep in mind that it's the product of internalized racism. Still hard to take though.
Sorry but it needs to be said-- this is such bullshit.
Why are white constantly demonized for being attracted to Asian women, but Asian women are never taken to task for having a very strong preference for White men. Asian women in Cali and the east coast overwhelmingly date white guys. In fact, based on observation alone it seems more common to see an Asian American female under 35 with a white guy than an Asian guy.
Aversion to Asian guys alone does not explain away this very obvious trend. Based on this explanation, if Asian women have an aversion to Asian guys then we would see Asian women dating a variety of other ethnicities. Instead you see Asian girl/White guy.
As stated in your article it takes 2 to tango. If it weren't so pervasive your ramblings would be cogent. Most Asian women idolize white men - point blank. And even if they don't they still capitilze on the Asian fetish and are equally culpable in perpetuating the stereotype.
Instead of asking why so many AsAm women date white men, we should be asking why so few white women date AsAm guys except probably here in Hawaii. Are white women inherently racist? Do the parents of Asian men forbid their sons from dating white women or women of any other ancestry (eg. Korean) other than his? Would a Korean American complaining about a Filipina he had seen dating a white guy, ask himself whether he would date that Filipina woman and take her home to the parents? It is all of the above.
this is one of the better articles on the topic, thanks :)